i am alwez wondering....

i see so many people have their own kool blogsites and i m wondering how to make a kool one of my own. anyway...this blogsite may be for my eyes only coz nobody knows i own a site and nobody will read what is posted in here. sheez.....here i go again.....complaining and wondering....well. last nite i lay awake thinking of my sister who is getting married. I've been on lockhorns with her for many years due to some unresolved problems and now i m thinking...to attend her wedding? then i thought, she's my sister, for crying out loud(altho' she has treated me worst than a stranger, more like an enemy, tho....) conflicting emotions, am i to feel happy for her? what about my own happiness? now everyone will expect me to get married, since i'm the next one....my elder three sisters have already gotten 'hitched'......the pain burns inside me, not because i'm still single but the fact that i don't know whether i love them as sisters or whether all the rejection throughout the years have made me either to long for their love or to totally disregard them....

Actually i realised one thing, when you write. u can actually outpout all the things that are trapped in yourself and as a result, feel lighter after the outpouring which i think its therapy.
ok...ok enough of this ranting...i'm still daydreaming and wondering when my Prince Charming is going to come and bring me to my white castle on top of the hill in Switzerland....

Sighh.....this world has so much to offer and so many things to see, yet here i am not sure where i am leading to.....so many choices and options and what-not.....God, give me some inspiration...

Jesus loves me.....